Sexual abuse: What should my role as a parent be?

·         Be a Listener

Children are very hesitant to disclose an adult’s sexually inappropriate behaviour and they often have trouble understanding and verbalizing what has happened. Don’t interrupt, do make eye contact, ask questions and listen carefully. Keep your facial expression in neutral. Do not zero in on the disobedience factor within the narrative as this will cause the child to clam up for fear of punishment.

·         Be alert 

Watch for sudden, unexplained negative changes in your child’s behaviour. Unusual bruises and discomfort walking or sitting should be queried. Be aware of emotional changes such as unexplained anger or depression or sudden withdrawal. Be wary of anyone ‘grooming’, which is how an adult will prepare a child for cooperation and continued access to time alone.

·         Be prepared

When we teasingly say ‘shame, shame’ to a naked toddler during a clothing change, we are actually sending across the important message that our bodies are meant to be hidden from general display. At about four years of age, you can clearly tell your children that it is wrong to show their “bathing suit zone” to anyone. Encourage them to consider their bodies as sacred and personal. Use yourself as an example and discuss what you allow. Teach children that they should never go with an adult to a secluded place. Encourage children to listen to their instincts and quickly get away from situations which make them uneasy.

·         Believe

If a child discloses abuse, take them seriously no matter who the alleged perpetrator is. If a child reports abuse but is not believed, they may not risk telling again and they could continue to be victimized for months or even years. Given the shame and stigma attached to the episode, it is highly unlikely that a child would make something up.

·         Be in Charge

As a mother, you must formulate a family action that safeguards your children against the possibility of abuse. This plan need not be shared overtly with anyone, but certain rules that are laid down through your example and guidance can go a long way.