Adoption of a baby can be the most sensitive issue faced by parents, both the birth parent and the adoptive parent. But for the baby, it can mean the difference between a life of love and caring, or abuse and anger.
It depends partly on the birth parent and their reason for placing their baby up for adoption.. In most cases, the adoptive parents are couples who desperately want a child and cannot have one of their own. Obviously, these are people who would give the love and care that would nurture the baby.
I’m sure there are mothers who give up their babies for purely selfish reasons. But since this deals with the overall question being “Is adoption (generally) a giving or selfish thing?”, my opinion is in favor giving and of the birthmother who is truly concerned for the future of her baby. She knows she cannot provide a decent life and is willing to make the sacrifice for her child to have a better life.
A case in point; a young girl I know is pregnant, her second pregnancy. The first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. This girl has been diagnosed with cervical cancer, she has STDs, and she is refusing treatment The baby she is carrying is bi-racial. Her parents are unable to raise the baby should she carry it to term. Chances are good that she may not live long enough to deliver the baby. And nobody at this point in time has addressed that issue. The only positive input from the parents is that they positively will not raise this child.
The young girl in question is just sixteen years old. She has no education as she dropped out of school and has no future to speak of. This young girl has been involved with drugs, alcohol and sex for the past three years. She is determined to keep her baby. I see this as a potentially dangerous decision. Not only would it be selfish of her to keep this child, but it would be a stupid decision in which the baby would suffer the consequences.
In contrast, I have a cousin who was adopted as a baby and we grew up as close as sisters. She was an only child and was the whole world to my aunt and uncle. Her life was as happy as any child could wish for, and she was adored by her adoptive parents.
She always knew her birth family and that she was adopted. The circumstance of her adoption was that her birthmother was terminally ill and arrangements were made prior to her birth for the adoption to take place. This may be a bit different than the norm, but the fact is, there are more success stories of adopted babies than there are of abused ones.
I hasten to add, perhaps there are foster care homes that have given cause for concern about adoption, but they are distinctly two different situations. I shudder to think that the above mentioned young pregnant girl will have her baby and it will end up in the system and never find a home to call its own. That would be the ultimate selfish act on the part of the mother.