Building A Lifelong Relationship With Your Daughter-in-law
Remember what it was like to be in her shoes. You married some ones son once too. In my case, my mother-In-law was hard on all her daughter-In-laws. I did not know this at first and took it quite personally until I realized this treatment was not just for me.
When you first meet your daughter-in-law to be, remember rule number one, regardless of what you have been told or any rumors you may have heard do not form any preconceived notions. Decide for yourself after several meetings or family get together’ s how you feel based on your own opinions, not someone else’s.
Rule three, make the first meeting with just your immediate family. A nice quiet dinner. Not during a big family reunion where you are both nervous and cannot get time alone to get to know each other.
So when I was introduced to my Daughter-In-Law I made up my mind to be everything my Mother-in-law was not. I wanted her to feel special and a be a special part of our family. After all she married my son, she has to have good tastes. So rule number three, make your daughter-in-law feel special and do not compare her to someone else.
Do not forget the feelings you had when you met your mother-in-law. I was scared to death. Try to make them feel welcomed. Even if you do not like the person your son chose, remember that he does. It will only make a bad situation worse if you make your feelings known. Who knows, you might learn to love each other. Rule number four, keep any bad feelings or opinions to yourself.
Above all decide what is more important keeping your son or loosing him. If you do not like each other it only makes it hard on all involved. Some day you may have grandchildren and it makes it hard for them too. They feel as if they have to choose. You can still show respect and common courtesy even if you do not like someone. You want to see your grandchildren, and you want it to be under pleasant terms. Rule number five, play nice, even if it kills you.
If you apply these five rules when meeting your daughter-in-law for the first time and anytime you are together, you should form a lifelong relationship that will keep on giving long after you have become a grandmother.
When I met my daughter-in-law Erin, it was under strained circumstances. My relationship with my eldest son is not at it’s best. Yet Erin wanted us to meet. They chose to stay in our home instead of a hotel. Things could not have been any more intense than this meeting. Erin came into our home and hearts that day. I sure got lucky, I could not have chosen a better daughter-in-law, if I had chosen her myself. My son had done real well in choosing a partner who was going to always put his needs first above her own.
Erin’s job is not easy; she is an Army wife whose husband has been deployed over half their young marriage. They have two young children as well. My daughter-in-law has done an outstanding job of being the glue that holds our families together. Erin lives in Tennessee, my son is stationed in Iraq, her mother lives in Florida and I live Georgia. So she is alone, but yet she has managed with a small little web site in a big world to keep us all together.
While my son was deployed in Iraq she kept pictures of my grandchildren on her web site. Thanks to Erin, we all saw my granddaughters first day of school. We all saw her first day of cheer-leading. We all saw my grandsons first hair cut. None of this would have been possible without her and none of this would have been possible if I had not given her a chance or the respect she is owed as my daughter-in-law. I never missed a first! If this means as much to me as it does, I can only imagine what it meant to my son.
With Erin as my daughter-in-law, how could I not be proud as a mother-in-law? How could I not love her? I would not have a complete family without her! Our family would not be the same without her in it. Erin, if you do not already know this, I am more proud of you than I have words to show. I’m glad it was you that my son chose. Be proud of the wife and mother that you are. You have done an excellent job!