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Special Children say the Darndest Things

“I in donna drow up in be gine bunnerfwy an eat pepowe.” Translation, I am gonna grow up and be a giant butterfly and eat people. This was my son’s first real goal in life. He didn’t learn coherent speech until he was around five; this was one of the first things he said. I was afraid. About a year later he changed his mind. “I in donna be da bwain and wule da hone worln.” Translation, I am gonna be the brain and rule the whole world.” He was referring to a cartoon character, The Brain, from Pinky and the Brain. I was once again a little afraid. As the years passed though he gave up his dreams of human consumption and world domination, his speech improved and he decided he wanted to be a blacksmith. This one has stood the test of time and I think he may just become a blacksmith.

I have two amazing, high functioning autistic blessings. They have provided me with plenty of things to write about over the years. When my oldest was seventeen he very seriously asked us to sit down so he could talk to us about something. He told us he had done something wrong and we needed to be informed about his recent activities; he said it just that way. He took a deep breath and said, “I looked at some prawn and I realize it was wrong and I will not do it again.” My husband and I looked at each other, he was probably wondering the same thing I was, what’s wrong with giant shrimp? It was obvious though that he was very, very serious. My husband asked him to show him what he had looked at, prawn turned out to be porn. What a talk we had after that. We still check his computer every now and then, haven’t seen any prawn so he kept his word.

My boys take everything very literal, I learned a long time ago to carefully watch the way I phrase things. On a particularly chilly afternoon I told the kids to get their jackets on or they would freeze their tushes off. Mistake. It took me the better part of an hour to convince him it wouldn’t really happen.

I often forget they think in pictures, they see the actual, literal interpretation of what we say. I received a call from the school one day because he overheard another boy call his classmate a butt-head and proceeded to correct the boy with an anatomy lesson. His sister once told him he was cool, he assured her he was plenty warm. As all mothers do I often tell my children to wait a minute, my boys set a timer. Another wonderful call from the school was initiated because the teacher told the children she was going to be keeping an eye on them. He really did not want the teacher’s eye on him.

When my oldest was around six or seven I took him to the doctor for a suspected ear infection. The doctor looked into his ear and said “Yup, you’ve got some beans in your ear.” My poor little man, he began to cry hysterically for the doctor to take them out. That same month a pregnant friend of mine came to visit. She made a comment of some kind about wishing her husband could take over for a day, my son told her she should have married a seahorse because the males carry the babies and the females do not have to deal with it. I almost thought she would go into labor she laughed so hard.

They have given me many precious memories, we make more each and every day.